When we feel certain emotions, oftentimes our first impulse is to ignore that emotion or eradicate it. This is an understandable response because we've been told by society, religion and caretakers that it is the right thing to do. When a child hurts themselves - especially a male child, he hears the words, “don't cry”. As adults when we feel anger, jealousy, sadness, or guilt, we are told that those emotions should be suppressed. What we fail to realize is that emotions are not necessarily negative. They are the mind's way of letting us know that our inner selves need attention. If we override these messages instead of responding to them in a positive way, we encounter the risk of making matters worse. Suppressed anger becomes rage, jealousy becomes envy, sadness becomes depression and when guilt is left unchecked, it shows up as shame. What we can do instead of suppressing emotions is to address them and learn from them.
Exercises for Overcoming Anger
When you experience physical and emotional distress, anger strongly motivates you to do something about it. Anger helps you cope with the stress by first discharging the tension in your body, which in turn calms your nerves. Another way to handle anger (or any emotion) is to understand what the source is.
Keep a journal
Keep a journal and jot down the times you felt angry. Logging your triggers can help you develop an awareness of what makes you angry. Triggers might include feeling criticized, experiencing other people not listening to you, or having your privacy violated. Once your trigger is found, you are able to better deal with how you respond.
Take a timeout
Give yourself short breaks during times of the day that tend to be stressful. A few moments of quiet time might help you feel better prepared to handle what's ahead without getting irritated or angry. During your timeout, you can choose to practice deep breathing, listen to relaxing music, or watch a funny Youtube video.
Identify possible solutions
Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. Does your child's messy room drive you crazy? Close the door. Is your partner late for dinner every night? Schedule meals later in the evening — or agree to eat on your own a few times a week. Remind yourself that anger won't fix anything and might only make it worse.
Conversation Starters/ Writing Prompts
When I get angry I want to…?
I get angry when …?
I can feel my anger melt away when…….
When I am angry, my body feels it here:
What was I feeling or doing just before I felt anger?
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